http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/bad-wedding-cliches-born-from-good-ideas-2529171/#photoViewer=1
by Piper Weiss, Shine Staff, on Fri Aug 19, 2011 4:35pm PDT
9 bridal trends that have gotten tired
Every marriage is different, but the same can’t be said for every wedding. The 2.4 million ceremonies in the United States each year are responsible for keeping KC and Jo Jo’s 1996 hit single, Depression-era cars, and chocolate fondue fountains in fashion perennially.
by Piper Weiss, Shine Staff, on Fri Aug 19, 2011 4:35pm PDT
In an industry where venues are booked two years ahead, it’s no wonder old habits are hard to break. But there’s a difference between wedding traditions and straight up cliché. Traditions, like the first dance and the cutting of the cake, are pillars of the past. But in attempts to personalize those traditions, clichés are born. Consider 10 trends that started with the purist of intentions and ended with collective Déjà Vu.
Dancing to ‘At Last’
Hear those sweeping strings? You know what’s about to happen: Three straight minutes feigning delight over two people slow-dancing to Etta James. Last year, Time Magazine named it the number-one most over-played wedding song of all time. It’s popular for good reason: James’ recording is unparalleled. Too bad it’s now associated with the taste of rice pilaf and chicken breast.
Around the year 2000, we finally realized that cupcakes are just miniature wedding cakes. “At this point it’s hardly a surprise to see a great big pile of them at a wedding,” writes Chiara Atik at Today.com’s Bites Blog. She also takes aim at another micro wedding staple. “Mini Quiches are readily available in the frozen food section of most grocery stores: a sign that they should be retired from wedding menus.” It’s official: small versions of big dishes are no longer novelties and should be edited down to only the very best of the genre. Obviously, I’m talking about pigs in blankets. Keep ‘em coming.
The bride and groom are paying an exorbitant amount for someone to follow them around with a camera all day, so shouldn’t they have their picture taken? The artistic shot of the dress, hanging in a window, bathed in sunlight, is missing something. The bride. That stock image along with the invitation gently leaning on a glass of champagne, or the table setting with the fork and knife just so, are fantastic promotional shots for a wedding planner’s book. For a wedding photo album? Not so much.
“What do you like to do together?” It’s a question in every wedding planner’s arsenal. Couples, beware of your answer: your aunt and uncle could be asking a waiter where to find “Table Two and a Half Men”. Thematic tables, identified by a couple’s favorite destinations, sweet treats or (if really hard-pressed) TV shows, has become commonplace. It’s a way to personalize the event and familiarize both sides of the wedding party with the couple as a unit. But the themes end up feeling more like an online dating profile: they love reality shows, hot sauce and Nova Scotia. Maybe those details are best left to the singles.
The most overused portmanteau in the English language, couples should put a dollar in a curse jar every time they say it and save up for a honeymoon. Perhaps if we replaced the get-out-of-jail-free term, ‘bridezilla’, with the more accountable ‘lunatic’, there would be fewer tantrums, fractured friendships, and eye-makeup smudges. Everyone’s entitled to a meltdown on their big day. But with high divorce rates, broken engagements, and a host of spin-off ‘zillas’, the term has come to excuse the inappropriate actions of anyone who’s ever attended a wedding.
What began as an inventive DIY approach to wedding photography has now become a standard centerpiece at every wedding table. There it is: the disposable camera wrapped in the color scheme of the reception, a sign you will be working for your food tonight. Guests are expected to capture moments of tenderness between bride and groom, bride and bride’s father and any child standing on any adult’s shoes on the dance floor. Stay alert.
To humans, a dog with a velvet pillow baring a ring strapped to its back is adorable. To dogs, it’s the day the pillow they usually sit on, sat on them. They don’t understand why 100 people are staring at them making ‘aww’ noises. All they know is that a harness is chafing their abdomen. Also somebody, somewhere is cooking a lot of chicken.
Somebody always makes it his business to pick up a glass of champagne and roast the couple of the hour. It’s a time-honored tradition that begins with a bygone anecdote, ambles into some mildly salacious territory (first kiss, brush with the law), then keeps ambling into uncomfortable territory (the jilted ex, the felony charge) and ends in exactly the same way every time: “But in all seriousness…” That’s it? You can’t go from ripping apart someone’s character to “You’re the best brother a guy could have.” If a teacher were grading that toast, the comment in the margin would be “needs better transition.” In the olden days people offered up two sentences that rhymed and raised their glass. It was balanced, chuckle-worthy and direct. Maybe it’s time to recycle that cliché.
Beachside and barnyard were once affordable alternatives to banquet halls. Now they’re just banquet halls custom-built on a beach. The bride walks down the aisle barefoot, the groom dons a linen suit and together they’re married beside the crashing waves and the $10,000 Moroccan tent decorated with velvet couches and belly dancers paid to stand like mannequins and hold bowls of hummus. But guests take home rubber flip-flops as party favors, so it’s still really a whimsical, simple little affair.
